Conflicts are very common in our daily lives. Because different people are very likely to have different opinions on the same thing, when they cannot agree with each other, either explicitly or implicitly, conflict occurs. The kind of conflict I am going to illustrate is a very simple one and is inspired by my experience.
One day, my neighbor, who is also a friend of mine, borrowed one dollar from me for urgent use. However, after that, it seemed he forgot about this and did not give the one dollar back to me. Actually, I could see him every day since he was my neighbor, but I did not claim back my money because I did not know whether I should go for it or not. I was keeping asking myself: should I remind him of the story of the one dollar? Is it really necessary to ask my neighbor to return me such a small amount of money? If the answer is “yes”, how can I tell him? Will my words make him embarrassed? I felt difficult in making the decision. And I was not able to figure out a win-win solution. At last, I just gave up and let it go.
There was another similar case. Once, one of my best friends borrowed two dollars from me. After that, we did not meet each other for nearly one month. Later when we met casually in the campus, he also forgot about the two dollars he owed to me. This time, also, I did not claim back my money because, you know, it was just few minutes’ talk between two good friends and I felt really hard to open my mouth and mention about the “old story”, which occurred one month ago.
This kind of conflict, I believe, many people have experienced before. So when you were in this kind of situation, what would you do? If you decide to claim back your money, what would you say to your friend?
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9 comments:
Haha.. This is kind of tricky situation. If we claim back the money, the person will feel that we are over REALISTIC. On the other hand, if we are too GENEROUS, it may burn a hole in the pocket as the amounts will accumulates.
If I were you, I will claim back my money as I feel that it is fair enough for me to do so. If my friend is considerate, they should be able to understand the reason behind.
And not only once have I been in the same situation with you before!!! I did not claim the money back too. But if the sum is large( let's say about $5), I would claim my money back from that friend by gently reminding her. If I am too shy, I would probably drop hints and hope that my friend gets it. I am sure that the friend will understand and return the money willingly.
If you are generous enough, then there's no need to ask them back for the money. However, if you are the type who will think of this matter until they have return you the money, then I think you should try to remind them about it earlier. It would be difficult to open your mouth as time goes by. You can ask your friend for lunch and ask him if you owe him any money. This might remind him about the money he borrowed from you.
Haha, siok hui's suggestion is very good! However, usually for a small amount of money like one dollar, I will not claim it back from my friends if they forget to return it to me. May be i am too shy to ask or what, but sometimes I do think that our friendship worth more than one dollar. Furthermore, sometimes they did treat me lunch or snacks.
I agree with regina.Especially for the seconde case, it is 2 dollars lent to one of your best friends.If I were you, I wouldn't claim it back neither. Just forget it by thinking "I treated my friends a drink". Hehe, your friendship worth it and it made you feel better!
For the first case, I suggest not claiming back this time, since you have a lot of chances to get along with your neighor. If this is a one time accident, no need to embarrass him for the one dollar. If he keeps on doing this, you may want to talk to him someday.
My dad taught me something which I know will last me a lifetime, perhaps it can help u too~
"Only lend other people money when you know that those money are not coming back. If it comes back, it is a gift from God."
What do you think about it?
Yeah I also agree that if it is a small amount I would not ask it back from him. But perphaps the biggest problem would be if it becomes a habit and this "borrowing without returning" becomes a habit. Then I think this would become quite strenous on the relationship.
Hi Zengning, I wouldn't consider this an interpersonal conflict; this is more like a struggle within you that you face whenever you wonder whether to remind your neighbour to return the money that he owed you.
You yourself wrote: "Because different people are very likely to have different opinions on the same thing, when they cannot agree with each other, either explicitly or implicitly, conflict occurs." I don't see any conflict here because you and your neighbour did not have different opinions about the money, neither did you disagree with each other; it was more a case of forgetfulness. It could very well be that he remembered but simply chose not to return you the money. The same explanation probably applies to your account of your good friend.
By the way, in English, "open your mouth" is not an English idiom and does not mean "to tell/speak" . If I'm not mistaken, it is a phrase translated directly from Mandarin so do be careful of the expressions that you use.
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